You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
