Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Randomize
