Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
