Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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