i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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