While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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