yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
honey bunches of taint.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
