we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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