One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
