i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
pray to the hookup gods
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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