"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Too much gin, very little bucket
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
