arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
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