This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
