Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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