I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
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