is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
