I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
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