The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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