I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
