that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
