I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
