So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
