My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
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I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
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My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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