Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
why would she put his p in her m after it was in her a? that's gross
its gross she let him put his p in her a nevermind his p in her m after p in her v. cleaning up is necessary
i put my m on your v after my p was in your v. no big deal
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
