I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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