So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
