it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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