he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Randomize
