i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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