this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
