I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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