I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
