Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
my being single is dangerous.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
