Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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