I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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