am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
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