he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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