Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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