guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Randomize