I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
