Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
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I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't tell me you're on acid again
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize