Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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