Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
