my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
