Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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