She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
