Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
