we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
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He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
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Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
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