He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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