we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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