remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
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