Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
