My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
