At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
