weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
