i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
