We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
