Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
