You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
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My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
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