I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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