sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Randomize
