He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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