Plan B is the new Plan A
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
